


Love Drunk

by happeely



Series: Songs [1]
Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Break Up, Divorce, Drunk Dialing, Drunkenness, F/M, Fix-It, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love/Hate, Marriage, Songs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 16:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happeely/pseuds/happeely
Summary: Barney finally finds himself out of bed, only to crash down on the floor.Kinda reminds me of the pineapple incident, but not.





	Love Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Love Drunk by Boys like Girls.
> 
> First time writing for this fandom. Hope you like this story!  
> This is my take on what happens after the divorce. This is probably inaccurate in many ways but just... okay? Bare with me.
> 
> (I posted this like 3 times because my stupid computer is glitching and wouldn't load the rest of the chapter)

**Monday, June 27 2016.**

 

It's around 9 pm and after 4 hours of trying, Ted was finally able to get Barney out of his bed and his fortress and into a bar. It was a lot of work though, he even had to dress him and God forbids that he wrinkles Barney's suit or he'll start complaining loudly like a 5 year old and make him iron it until it is wrinkle-free.

His friends aren’t inebriated yet and they're all staring at him as he made his way to them, wondering what's going through his mind. They know that he needs this. He needs to get drunk enough to let it all out, get drunk enough to not care that he's expressing his emotions. Sure he's been in his bed since the divorce, but he never really had a breakdown, or cried or talked to anyone. It’s freaking them out.

He just spent his morning, afternoons, evenings and nights watching Netflix by himself. Every other day Marshall and Lily would bring him food, which he almost never ate; Ted would try to get him to shower or at least change his clothes while Tracy would try to tidy his place up a bit. Sometimes he'd shower just because he really did smell or because his best friend wanted him to (more like because he’d get tired of all the nagging) and as a reaction sometimes he'd smile at them for trying to cheer him up/look after him; most of the times he'd say  _“no thanks”_  and then go back to his bed and stare at his 300 inch and shuts completely off. It wasn't a pretty sight.

They all feel bad for him, so when he slops down their booth, they greet him with genuine smiles and order their usual drinks. Seeing him out of his apartment gives them a sense of relief and happiness. It’s the first time in about a month that they've seen him in a suit. (Though, if Barney cared, he would've protested and bitched about it, cause it's practically just a shirt and a blazer)

Ted, Tracy, Lily and Marshall would want nothing more than to see his old self back and see him happy once more.

 

Lily misses Robin probably as much as he does but would not admit it because Robin, not only walked out on him, but also left her friends, her best friends, her. Lily knows that both sides of the story should always be heard, but how can she have any sympathy left for Robin, when she's not even there to tell her side of the story? All she knows is that the day they came back from Argentina was the day they called it off and 4 days later she decided to need some space from them. All Lily knows that she loves Robin so much but she can't forgive her for leaving Barney heartbroken just like that (though he doesn't show it) and suddenly it's their job to try to put him back together. She knows that Robin is hurt too (who wouldn't be?) but she can't just take off and run away to God knows where.

Lily then remembers when she took that art course in California, Barney had been the one to show up to her poorly decorated apartment and gave her a plane ticket back home and talk some sense into her (as weird as that may seem). If only she knew where Robin was, she would try to do the same thing for them, even if it's beyond her means.

 

Marshall was never really close to Robin but she was still his friend. Truth be told that his friendship with her could only take her so far for he's angry at her because he knows the feeling of being left all of the sudden. Sure, this is different from what happened between him, Lily and San Francisco. Lily broke off their engagement and left while Robin broke off her and Barney's marriage and left. Lily left without telling him and Robin said that it was a mutual break up but she still did leave without telling Barney. Marshall doesn't want Barney - or anyone for that matter, - to feel the pain he felt when he thought he lost the love of his life. Call Marshall a lovesick fool, but he believes that this can still work out. He doesn't give a fuck about losing a bet to his wife if this is the prize they're all paying for.

 

Ted has always had a soft spot for Robin. He had pined for her for a long time. He knows that he'll always love her in whatever way he does. So this is very conflicting for him. He is grateful for both her and Barney cause their wedding was actually what made him meet the woman of his dreams. He's also aware that this whole wedding thing wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Barney, apart from the proposing thing, he was the one that wanted to play  _'have you met Ted?'_  with Robin 11 years ago. If he hadn't pulled that bit, Ted wouldn't have fallen in love with Robin, have multiple failed relationships with different girls (Victoria, Stella, Zoey...), have an off again on again relationship with her, let Barney fall in love with her, let her fall in love with Barney, finally fall out of love with her, come to their wedding and be exactly at the right place at the right time to spot that girl with the yellow umbrella and finally fall deeply in love with that woman who had the same initials as him... (You know the story)

He knows he owes it to him, to them to make this all right because they deserve to be happy like him and Tracy, together. When Barney and Robin told the gang what had happened in Argentina, they had admitted that they were unhappy. They might have been just unhappy that day because Ted knows better that that was just a little discussion that could have been easily sorted out if both of his stubborn friends had found a way to talk it out. He hates to admit that he has never seen Robin as happy as he saw her at her wedding and throughout their first two years of marriage. And Ted has never seen Barney as happy as he is when he's with her. No amount of bimbos can make him as content as she made him.

If he could put the blame on someone or something, he would choose Robin’s job or just Robin. He’s aware that Robin is very career-driven, but she can’t just throw Barney, her marriage in the trash just because she feels guilty that she thinks Barney’s unhappy because of her work.Ted’s not holding any grudges against her but may be a teeny tiny bit mad at Robin for leaving out of nowhere. Though, he knows that eventually she'll come back to face this. That being said, it's still not fair though, it's not fair to Barney. Despite his past reputation, Barney had always been a good guy deep down. He doesn't deserve this.

For now, Ted will just make sure that Barney doesn't do anything stupid and prays that those two lovable morons can get past this. Cause if his relationship with Tracy had taught him anything, it's that love always finds a way.

 

Tracy met Barney before she met anyone in the group and she’s one of the few people who can read him like a book. They’d met in a drug store with him obviously trying to score with her, but she’d turned him down because she sensed that it’s not what he really wanted (and she wasn't really interested. If you ask her, she thinks he's cute, but that's it. He kind of reminds her of that kid on that show, Doogie was it? Yeah, she had a crush on him. The teenage doctor, not Barney.). They spent 2 hours of that night sat on a bench, talking about his fucked up life, talking about Robin. Tracy knew that it wasn’t gonna be the last time she’d hear from him. When she actually saw him again, she was thrilled and even more thrilled when she found out that it was actually his wedding with the girl he spent hours talking to her about that night.

Tracy doesn’t really know Robin that well. She knows she’s Canadian; that she dated Ted; the fact that she’s in love with Barney; that she had cold feet right before their wedding and that’s basically it. This is due to the fact that Robin and Barney took off right after their wedding to their honeymoon and when they came back, they stayed for about 1 week and Robin flew to Spain for her job and Barney followed. It’s basically been like that for the past 3 years so she never had the chance to get to know her. Tracy can tell that Robin’s a good person and for the time she has known her, she was never once intimidated by her (unlike Victoria) because she knows that Robin’s head over hills for her ex-husband.

 

As soon as their drinks arrive, Barney downs all the liquor he sees on the table. He’s taken aback and suddenly everything is blurry. He shuts his eyes for a second to regain his normal sight back when a song started playing from the jukebox. (like seriously who still owns a jukebox?)

He listens to it and takes down more alcohol as he realizes how much he relates to it. He knows the song, he just never really paid attention to the meaning of it. He's always thought that song lyrics were just idiotic sappy crap that didn't mean anything at all. He thought they were just words casually put together accompanied by a beat.  _He hates it._

It's ironic how he finally understands, how literally every word of that stupid song is exactly how he feels so when the chorus comes along, he grabs his phone. He begins muttering the words and begins to debate if it would make sense if he called her, after all it has been a while since the breakup but it’s also been a while since they talked. It's been no more than 33 days, 6 hours and probably 28 minutes since they officially decided to divorce - not that he was counting or anything cause that's lame. He's most definitely not counting the seconds since the last time he felt her lips on his, the last time he had touch her, the last time he heard her moan his name in pleasure. (2 876 643 seconds... 2 876 644... 2 876 645...)

 

Barney started thinking to himself.  _Get your shit together Stinson! Stop thinking like this! You're too awesome for this, you're too awesome for her, you're too--_

His conceited and egotistical and overall awesome side is then stopped and his emotional and lame side takes over.  _She has to know how much it hurts, how hard it’s been for me, how I feel broken and empty all over again._

 _Right now Robin is somewhere in Italy, probably in Milan._  Robin’s mentioned to him before Argentina that she was going to be stationed in Italy for 3 months.

_She's likely hitting it up with some Italian guys in their Dolce & Gabbana, Giorgio Armani, Prada, Bvlgari, Gucci or whatever fancy Italian brand suits there are in Italy. She's probably at the Duomo, the old gothic Cathedral in the center of Milan, being swept off her feet by some other guy who's not me. Guys are probably chasing after her already, maybe multiple guys are already fighting over her - why wouldn't they? - because they saw the most amazingly beautiful woman they've ever seen strolling down the Sempione Park as she makes her way to the Sforzesco castle. She's probably having the time of her life by herself or with some sleazy Italian guy. She's probably having the time of her life without me.. Why wouldn't she? She's Robin freaking Scherbatsky._

 That thought crosses the line, so Barney Stinson gets up, presses his thumb on the dial call and actually calls her. He doesn't care how uncool it is, how lame that is because he's allowed to be uncool and lame after what she had done. Hell, he's been acting uncool and lame for over a month now so one more night isn't gonna kill him. He doesn't even know what to say. How should he even begin? Does he just tell her all at once how he feels or...? Should've he rehearsed what he's going to say to her before he actually does? Yeah, whatever. He doesn't care. Though, he probably doesn't care mostly because he's drunk but whatever.

As soon as Ted sees him with his phone in his ear, he snatched it from him to prevent any humiliation Barney would feel the next day. Kinda like when he drunk dialed Robin and sang - performed -  _'Voices'_  when he was drunk. Nonetheless that night was awfully amazing now that he looks back on it. Still though, embarrassing.

Barney, who was now drunk, decided to throw a fit and hop on the table and begged Ted to give it back to him. Ted refused but bought him a drink in exchange to shut him up.

Once he had gotten his bottle of beer, Barney was all peppy and hyper and somehow, he'd forgotten Robin for a few seconds and started dramatically singing the song.

 

* * *

  

Robin is in Florence, at her 5 star hotel sleeping soundly alone on her double bed. It's around 3am.

 

_"Sandcastles in the sand..._

_Thought I could fly when you held my hand..._

_Eternity turns to black and white..."_

 

"Barney shut up I'm sleeping" she groans. It’s automatic. He’d always tease her, mock her with ~~their~~ that song.

 

_"It was the greatest week and a half of my life..."_

 

She suddenly flutters her eyes open because she realizes that 1) she and Barney broke up and 2) it was actually her phone ringing. She thought it was Barney because well... the ringtone she put as his was his own rendition of _'Sandcastles in the Sand'_.

'Why would she put that as his ringtone?', you’d ask. Well… She’d hate to admit but she secretly likes it when he sings her songs. That’s basically all the music they would listen to. He’d always sing especially _'Sandcastles in the Sand'_ because it was the song that officialy started their not-so-platonic, platonish - if you will, - relationship, the kind that breaks some rules of the _Bro Code_. It was the song she walked the aisle to. He’d sing it in the morning, to wake her up, when he’s in the shower or just to annoy her in general. So when they got married, he made her put his rendition of it as his ringtone so she could listen to his voice if she ever misses him or whenever she wants someone to bug the shit out of her, just in case. 

She should probably change it, but she always forgets to do so. ~~(More like doesn’t want to)~~

She glances at her phone and hesitantly answers it because she had actually missed him his weirdness.

By the time she answers the phone, Barney is already standing on the table, using his bottle of beer as a microphone while singing passionately without having any idea to what the fuck he was singing.

 

_"...you drove me crazy every time we touched_

_But now I'm so broken that I can't get up_

_Oh girl, you make me such a lush..."_

 

Robin winces a bit at the sudden loudness she hears when she pressed the answer button.

 

_"I used to be love drunk but now I'm hungover_

_I'll love you forever. Forever is over..."_

 

 _Oh_ was all Robin could think.

 

_"We used to kiss all night,_

_now its just a bar fight..._

_So don't call me crying, say hello to goodbye..._

_Cause just one thing would make me say:_

_'I used to be love drunk but now I'm hungover_

_I'll love you forever but now its over'"_

 

She doesn't hang up. She doesn't react either. She keeps on listening, maybe because she likes the song or maybe she likes hearing his voice again.. She bites her lip and hold onto the phone cause she knows it’s true.

She's gotten the clue that he's drunk and has no idea that she's hearing any of this so she knows this wasn't intentional, but nevertheless it still manages to make her chest tighten.

 

As the bridge came Barney's singing turns into heart-wrenching screams:

 

_"ALL OF THE TIMES I WASTED ON YOU AND ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU PUT ME THROUGH..._

_I'M CHECKING INTO REHAB CAUSE EVERYTHING THAT WE HAD DIDN'T MEAN A THING TO YOU..."_

 

Robin is startled at the sudden outburst, but not surprised. She hears his voice cracking. She knows she hurt him, she knows it very much. So by the time he finishes the bridge, she's hugging a pillow and holding back her tears.

 

Barney, on the other end, stops singing after remembering what words meant and sits back down. He breathes deeply for a moment and excuses himself to the bathroom. He tries to sober himself up by splashing some water in his face. To his surprise it works a little. He goes back to the gang.

 

"I think that's enough of emotional Barney for today. I think I'm heading back home. My head is killing me. I'll text you guys tomorrow." He cracks a forced smile. He grabs his phone and walked out.

Ted follows him outside the bar to make sure he actually gets on a cab and not someplace else. Barney gives him a quick bro hug to thank him for looking out for him.

 

* * *

 

After that 20 minute drive, Barney tries not to trip as he walks up to his apartment. It's funny cause there's an elevator but he forgets and takes the stairs instead. He clumsily tries to jam one of his keys into the door, it doesn't work. After the 8th try, he finally succeeds.

When he gets inside, he throws himself into his black-leathered couch. He rolls himself over and looks up at the ceiling.

 

_All of the times I wasted on you..._

 

"How could she do this to me? Did I do something wrong?" He asks out loud.

Is it his past reputation as an egotistical womanizer that had finally come biting him back in the ass? Maybe he deserved it, maybe not, but he just can't shake the feeling that she just never believed in them in the first place.

_Then why the fuck did she marry me? Why couldn't have she just left me at the altar if she knew it wouldn't have lasted?_

 If he thought that that was enough of emotional Barney for tonight back at the bar, he's kidding himself. Of course there was gonna be more.

 

_...all the bullshit you put me through..._

 

This is even worse than Shannon.

An abrupt anger fills him.

He grabs the remote and throws it as hard as he can to his giant tv. If he was planning on breaking it, well he succeeded. He feels a sense of relief for his action. He doesn't give a crap about the tv, he can easily buy another one. In fact he can pretty much rebuy anything he breaks in his fortress. The perks of being rich as fuck thanks to... please.

And so he goes on a rampage and breaks every single thing in his house that belongs to her or that reminds him of her. He shatters all her mugs on the floor, he throws every single one of her fucking magnets from all over the world across the room. He rips all of her pictures, all of their pictures. Each time he rips one of them, he feels his heart break even more but he doesn't care.

 

_I'm checking into rehab cause everything that we had..._

 

He takes a small pause every few minutes and drinks from his Glen McKenna bottles he has in store in his kitchen.

 After a while, he stumbles to the bathroom to take a wiz. He had drunk a lot.

 

 _...didn't mean a thing to you.._.

 

He washes his hand - of course he does, he's drunk not an unhygienic animal, - and when he lifts his head to barely look at his self in the mirror, he snaps.

_This is not Robin's fault. This is your fault. You should've tried harder. You didn't give your best shot. It's all your fault. It's always your fault._

And just like that his fist makes contact with his own reflection. He mentally swears at himself and glances down at his now-covered-in-red knuckles.

 

What happens after is all a blur since he's so wasted and barely knows what's going on, he doesn't even know if the pain he's feeling is just emotional or physical as well since there are lots of glass debris on the floor. He's most likely bleeding right now, but it's whatever. He doesn't care cause he reached the level of drunkenness where he's just numb and doesn't even realize that his eyes started spewing up tears uncontrollably.

A few minutes later, he ends up back on the couch with his shoes off and jacket and tie on the floor and he finishes his 4th bottle of scotch.

He eventually falls asleep at 1.34 am.

 

He doesn't fall asleep on the couch, but on the floor surrounded by all his shattered and broken memories of her.

His whole apartment's a mess, he's a mess, his whole life just seems like a really bad punch line now. Dear God, someone please help him.

 

 

 

 


End file.
